Blended families genealogy

Posted on by Sylvia Wong Lewis
Blended families are becoming more the norm these days. Over the holidays I enjoyed a visit with my brother Johnny’s son Keith, his three daughters ages 12, 9 and 3, and his new wife Lindsay, the mother of their 3 year old. Theirs is a blended family. His mother’s husband adopted Keith when he was very young. Keith’s mother gave birth to another son. I had not seen Keith since my brother’s funeral in 2010 and the divorce from his first wife. Now happily remarried, I was re-connecting with Keith’s family. What a sweet Saturday that was! In addition, brother Johnny had a family too— a wife and daughter who recently married and gave birth to a daughter. Oh, how I wish my brother Johnny could have lived to see them. Girls, girls everywhere! I am swimming in nieces! I wondered what would be the best way to add my brother’s line to the family tree.

Many kinship relationships do not fit neatly onto standard pedigree charts. Usually a genealogy family tree includes a chart with neat lines connecting parents to children. But what do you do when you have a family like mine that includes divorce, remarriage, adoptions, foster parents, and extended families?

Some of my relations mirror cultural traditions of our African and Native American tribal ancestors. For more information on traditional African family structure including polygamy, kinship and clans, click here. For information on Native American matrilineal family structures, click here. Studies have already shown that extended, blended families actually offer unique and positive ways for children to be parented and loved. It was evident that Keith has become a devoted family man, public school teacher and musician. I believe this was a result of his own hard work and having been well-raised and supported by a huge clan that included parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and a huge loving extended family. What a blessing!

Standard genealogy pedigree charts impose outdated Euro-centric family frameworks for blended families like mine. There was no place to insert unwed parent’s children and others who are actually part of the ‘family’ but not related by blood. I had never considered children of unwed parents as illegitimate. In fact, the concept of illegitimate children does not exist in many cultures! But that’s a future post.

Maybe one day, someone will re-invent a family tree chart that can include today’s new definition of what it means to be a ‘family.’

In the meantime, click here for a link that can help with blended family genealogy, including a tutorial for adding multiple parents and single parents to your family tree.

Do you have any blended family genealogy challenges or tips?

Boxing Day, Caribbean style

Posted on by Sylvia Wong Lewis

We celebrated Boxing Day this year in Brooklyn, land of the largest Caribbean population outside of the islands. My best friend Cynthia, with her Bermuda-Trinidad family roots, has hosted Boxing Day for years. Boxing Day is the day after Christmas. Yes, I know Bermuda is not Caribbean, but British! And this is a very British holiday celebrated by thousands of British West Indians as a day for eating holiday leftovers.

Bedford Stuyvesant neighborhood friends and family streamed in and out between 4 and 9pm in an open-house fashion. Everyone had a jolly good time catching up on old times. What is Boxing Day? It has nothing to do with the sport of boxing. There are a lot of stories out there. One version dates back to an actual box. During the Middle Ages, the poor box at church was opened on the ‘day-after’ Christmas and the money was distributed to the poor. Some churches still do this on Boxing Day. Medieval servants were given the day off on the ‘day after’ Christmas. Feudal lords packed a ‘Christmas box’ of leftover holiday foods and gave it to their servants and tenants on the ‘day after’ Christmas.

This seasonal tradition has survived since slavery times as a way for Caribbean people to maintain culture and food legacy. According to Food Culture in the Caribbean by Lynn Marie Houston:

“During slavery, there were seasonal holidays in the Caribbean: Christmas, Boxing Day, Easter (known as Pickannany Christmas), Crop Over Festival and a Yam Festival, that is no longer celebrated.”

Traditional Caribbean Boxing Day menus varied from island to island. Ingredients and preparations reflected the diverse mix of people – Native, African, Spanish, Chinese, Indian, Middle Eastern, English, Scottish, Irish and more.

The following ‘cook-up’ (a combination of leftovers and freshly made food) was served by a composite of my friends and family on Boxing Day: Main-Baked Ham glazed with brown sugar, pineapples and mustard; Chinese LoMein noodles-Vegetarian and with Shrimps; Curry Chicken, Jerk Chicken; Callaloo – Caribbean Greens soup/stew; Long String Beans; Pigeon Peas, Coconut Rice cooked with or without the peas or red beans. Several varieties of hot sauces and chutneys were mentioned. Hors d’oeuvres– Cod Fish Cakes; assorted Baked Vegetable and Meat Patties; and Trinidadian Pastelles-steamed meat patties. Desserts- usually consisted of dense cakes, breads and puddings, including Coconut Cake, Christmas Black Cake, Fruit Cake soaked in rum and Plum Pudding. These cakes were eaten and also given as holiday gifts. Because sorrel and pigeon peas (gungo peas) are in bloom this time of year, you will always find these items on the menu. Beverages such as Sorrel, Mauby, Ginger Beer, various Fruit Punches, Angostura Bitters mixed with Ginger Ale, Wine, and especially island varieties of Beer and Rum were also very popular.

Spend the Christmas holidays in the Caribbean for a unique historical experience. The Bahamas and Bermuda maintain the most elaborate Boxing Day traditions that I have seen so far. On the day after Christmas, the Bahamas streets erupt with excitement with a parade called Junkanoo. Music, food, dancing, handcrafts and fun highlight this carnival. Bermuda’s acrobatic Gombey troupes wear elaborate African masks and costumes as they wind their way through the streets with music and dance.

Also called St. Stephen’s Day, named for a saint who was martyred, Boxing Day is steeped in history that has evolved in a variety of ways in the Commonwealth and around the world. If you search online for ‘Boxing Day’ you would not find much that is Caribbean. Instead you will see lots of Australian and United Kingdom shopping ads as if it were Black Friday.

Here are some links about Boxing Day around the world: General, Bermuda, Bahamas, and Barbados

Have you ever celebrated Boxing Day?

Do You Hear What I Hear?

Posted on by Sylvia Wong Lewis
Coming to the Table-NYC group meeting at my home in Lower Manhattan, dining on Soul-Caribbean food.
Coming to the Table-NYC group meeting at my home in Lower Manhattan, dining on Soul-Caribbean food.

That old Christmas carol always spoke to me, especially the Whitney Houston version. It could be that the world is going to hell. But maybe we will all be redeemed. I sure hope so. I participated in a silent vigil with Quaker Friends at the recent Millions March NYC. While I don’t have exact numbers, I know I saw a lot of old-school folks from many different ethnic backgrounds participating in the march too. I was there for a little while and walked with the crowd for few blocks. I am a seasoned New Yorker accustomed to walking many long city blocks. But big crowds overwhelm me. So, I did not stay long. Personally, I let the youngsters do the lying in the streets and all-night demonstrations.

We were mobilized to protest racist police brutality and unjust Grand Jury practices. Like many of you, I have been trying to exhale for months. The racial divide that we thought was closing was shown to be a widening gap. Yet, we see good will emerging everywhere. I really do hope many more of us will pray and work actively toward racial healing and reconciliation in our nation and the world. Can we really afford to stand idly by?

As co-leader for Coming to the Table – NYC (CTTT), I would like to invite you to learn more about our group. We focus on healing dialogue and ‘deep listening’ sessions. We “provide leadership, resources and a supportive environment for all who wish to acknowledge and heal wounds from racism that is rooted in the United States’ history of slavery,” as stated on the website.

We discuss racism in relation to topics such as power, privilege, institutional power, prejudice, stereotype, oppression, racism and how to be an ally. We attend films, museum exhibits, theater performances and university lectures. Sometimes we gather at each others homes, local libraries and cafes. We eat, talk, and listen. CTTT is a different kind of meet-up. It is deep, intense and fun engagement. We are all volunteers.

I became involved with CTTT while researching my ancestor’s lynching in Mississippi. I always knew about this family secret but never learned any specifics. Finally, I read the horrific details published in archival newspaper articles. I needed to talk to someone. Reading about my uncle’s lynching traumatized me although I did not know him. A cousin introduced me to CTTT a few years ago. Since then, I have felt so grateful for new friendships and expanded American history knowledge. I was paired with a Southern white woman who discovered that her ancestor, a revered judge-minister, had lynched and caused the death of several formerly enslaved persons. Through our new friendship I learned that we both were wounded by slavery. Together, we are on a healing journey. We are both active in our respective communities to help heal our nation’s racial wounds. We believe in action and the power of dialogue, listening and eating together. Check CTTT’s Face book page by clicking here.

As I close out this year, I am reminded of many blessings including feeling thankful for freedom. For the New Year, I wish everyone a joyous year full of tenderness, mercy, justice and most of all, peace.

My Year-End Reflections

Posted on by Sylvia Wong Lewis

 

My year-end reflections are all about thankfulness. I felt my light rekindled by sparks from so many people known and unknown to me. That is why I must express my gratitude to everyone for a wonderful year.

Here are two quotes about gratitude that I believe:

“Let gratitude be the pillow upon which you kneel to say your nightly prayer. And let faith be the bridge you build to overcome evil and welcome good.” – Dr. Maya Angelou, from Celebrations: Rituals of Peace and Prayer

“Feeling grateful or appreciative of someone or something in your life actually attracts more of the things that you value or appreciate into your life.” – Dr. Christiane Northrup, women’s health expert

I chose eight reflections on thankfulness in honor of my maternal Chinese grandmother, Violet Chan Keong. Eight is considered a lucky number. Eight is pronounced as ‘Ba,’ in Chinese and sounds like the word ‘Fa,’ which means to make a fortune. Included in the definition is abundance, prosperity, success and high status. Since Grandma Vi really loved this number, I continue her legacy by doing things in series of eights too!

1. Abundance. I am grateful for abundance in many areas of my life especially for my loving husband, dear family and friends. Some years ago, I lost everything. To start over, I uncluttered my life. I let go of all negative thoughts, people and broken things. I focused on gratitude, self-love, and hard work. Slowly, I found peace and a sense of gratitude about simple things like air and water. Prosperity began to return to my life. It was not easy. I rarely slept. I worked and studied day and night for many years. I never took vacations during those times. Today, I feel grateful for the light, strength and courage to have reinvented my life several times by now. And, I give daily thanks for basics like health, shelter, clean water, air, food and freedom.

2. Civil Rights Movement. I am thankful for growing up during the Civil Rights era. The timing of my birth, at the end of Jim Crow racial segregation laws and colonialism, allowed me to witness astonishing change in my family and the world. Affirmative Action laws opened doors for me. “Put on your rhino skin and be grateful you woke up this morning,” my aunt often advised me. As a child of activist parents, I did not realize that I was learning how to be a leader. I participated in boycotts and lead protest marches. I organized strategy and held fundraisers. We survived terrorism, exploitation, racism, sexism, degradation, and marginalization. I may be thankful, but I am not satisfied with today’s unfair world. There’s still so much to do.

3. Family. I am grateful for growing up with two caring parents and an extended family and community. I wish more youth grew up like me. I had responsibilities and great expectations placed upon me. Family dinners, meals at neighbor’s homes and everyone’s stories fueled my life and career. I am grateful for the memories of all elders –Jewish, Chinese, Africans etc.—as they passed down their culture, history, language, music, dance, arts and religion. Through family stories from Africa, South American, China, Caribbean, Europe, Louisiana and Mississippi, I inherited an open mind, valuable advice, and a thirst for knowledge.

4. Food. I am thankful for my family’s food legacy. Everything I learned about life was learned at my family’s kitchen table. As a child of Southern migrants and Caribbean immigrants, conversations naturally turned around on poignant observations about American life as well as knowledge about the production and consumption of food from the South, Caribbean islands and beyond. My parents kept a garden and a large pot of beans and rice and some baked treats ready for visitors. It was considered good luck to save the last drop for unexpected guests! We never knew who was coming although we had some regulars. But if a spoon dropped, it meant that a woman and child were coming; if a fork dropped, our surprise guest would be male. These superstitions and spirit stories over meals with friends and strangers were part of a daily routine.

5. Creativity. I am thankful for my left-handedness that developed creative abilities like playing musical instruments, writing, and ‘thinking outside of the box.’ You really do need creativity to re-imagine and re-invent yourself. Thinking the unthinkable to transform your business or life is hailed today as ‘disruption’ or creative business strategy. Our ancestors who made a way out of no way were creative. Creative people possess improvisational, ingenious, and adaptability skills. How many of our mothers ‘improvised’ in the kitchen to create feasts out of leftovers?

6. Soul. I am grateful for my soul. I am thankful for soul as it relates to music and Black people as well as it relates to our spirit. In order to create and improvise anything you need to be in touch with your soul. You must look deep, beyond your physical self to find your soul, heart, faith and perhaps religion. Although I am not a church member, I am very spiritual and find myself at altars often in churches and temples. I am thankful for my family exposing me to many faiths. I grew up as a Buddhist, Catholic, Candomblé, Pentecostal/Holiness, Baptist, and Methodist in a Jewish-Hasidic neighborhood in Crown Heights, Brooklyn. I was born in Harlem.

7. Gardens. I am thankful for the herb garden on my kitchen counter, a sleeping winter garden on my roof, and gardens everywhere. I love gardens for flowers, bees, butterflies, flavor, fragrance, spices, seasons, nourishment, empowerment, and beauty. Mostly, I am thankful for everyday life lessons to be learned from gardens.

8. You, the reader, current and future clients. I am thankful that you paused here to read and look at my pages. I started the year of 2014 with plans to simply collaborate and post more. I am proud that we produced stunning results and received global recognition for our projects in NYC, Brooklyn, Ohio, the UK and Japan. Because of you I have work and purpose. I hope you continue to find joy and reasons to stop by. Happy Holidays!

Chinese Diasporas

Posted on by Sylvia Wong Lewis
Guest lecture via Skype @ Binghamton University
Guest lecture via Skype @ Binghamton University

I was a Guest Lecturer at Binghamton University (SUNY) recently, where I presented to a History and English departments multidisciplinary course called “Chinese in the Americas.” Professor Lisa Yun, a noted historian and author of the landmark book “The Coolie Speaks-Chinese Indentured Laborers and African Slaves in Cuba,” presided. My film “From Shanghai to Harlem,” (on Youtube) was shown as a vehicle to drive discussion about lost history about the Chinese in the Caribbean.

My mother’s (Trinidad and Guyana) Chinese-Caribbean “coolie” ancestors are featured in my film. Some of them were ‘Shanghaied’ to the Caribbean from Hong Kong by the British government shortly after the African Slave Trade was abolished. But we all know by now that slavery was not truly abolished. Slavery continued to be practiced using Chinese and Indian workers in place of the African enslaved people. The mostly Asian students in the Binghamton University class were surprised by these family stories. The students were also interested in my African-American paternal family’s escape from Mississippi after a lynching and eventual arrival in Harlem as part of the Great Black Migration.

Professor Yun’s students asked some amazing questions that ran the gamut — from queries about light-skinned-white privilege; daily life of a mixed-raced person; the value and power of women’s oral histories; to comparisons between Chinese indentured “coolie” workers and African enslaved people. One student wanted to know why I didn’t keep my family story a secret! And yes, some of my relatives are angry that I discuss these stories in public!

I was filled with gratitude to be able to meet Professor Yun and her young inquisitive students who were open to learning and greatly contributed to an important discussion. It is dialogues like these that inspire me and so many others like me to keep digging for more true American-Diaspora stories! We hope to follow-up the class with an outing to a New York Chinese-Caribbean restaurant and a museum exhibit.

To book me and my film for future university guest lectures, send email to Hello@YoNarrative.com or call 646-530-1056.